Monday, January 31, 2005
An Emotional Day
FROM STEVE:
I've been badgering our translator fo information on the abandoned babies, the economy, the student rebellion, party politics, civil rights, etc. Finally he turned on me and asked the question that thousands of college students in the US ask every year. "When we study American literature, why do we have to read the old books like THE SCARLET LETTER? Are there no good contemporary books?"
I haven't had time to write up my conversations, but after my constant badgering the translator finally understood how important it was to find the spot Tian was found when she was a day old. This is not often done but the translator found the ads placed (more about that later) and with the scant information we had we set out on an emotional journey.
The information I give you now is my perception, beneath the polite party line, of some of the trues about the abandoned children. The first thing I ask, since we were a curiosity wherever we go, is, "What are the people saying about us?" My fear was there was a resentment about Westerners adopting from China and we would be robbing the children of their culture.
The translator laughed and said, "No. The people don't think that far away. There is a great shame in abandoning your child and most people cannot understand why people would do it. This is our shame, but the children are so beautiful the people can't stop looking. And the people are extremely happy that the exposed babies will have a good life."
I like the term "exposed" babies better than "abandoned" babies. It takes the onus off of the parental situation (which we can not begin to understand esp. when it is "a great shame") and places the negative on the situation of the baby and the fact that we have now made a pledge to keep the child safe and warm.
One of the things that has puzzled me is that there are girls everywhere you look in China. One of the myths we believed was that girls are discounted and left so the parents could still try for a boy, Our translator and his wife have a girl age eight and he told me that in rural areas it is still true that boys are preferred. But the current generation of parents love girls. The exposed babies primarily come (in this area) from the city and it is purely an economic issue. If the parents are not married, any child they produce will not have rights as a citizen and will not be able to get a job or go to school. Other economic factors also contribute even if the parents are married. Lack of work, income or housing also create desperate measures being taken. Our translator believes these actions will create a generation of regret. He says, "regret is not bad. Our parents constantly talk about the cultural revolution to us. It was a crazy time and not a good thing, but I do not believe something like that can happen again because of the lessons our parents learned and how they drilled those lessons into us."
Abortion is illegal and abandoning your child is illegal. So, the babies are exposed. Left in places early in the morning where they know they will be found. Tian's place was just like that. After the babies are found, the police place an add in the paper with the picture of the new born and attempt to find the parents. Yesterday we saw the ad for Tian. After three months they drop the search.
This is before we started out in the morning:
These are photos of Tian's location. I picture her place at the bottom of the steel tower, near the bicycle path, as close to the busy intersection as a person could get.
FROM LORRAINE:
Today was heart wrenching but necessary. Today we visited the place where Tian was found. We drove around for about 2 hours looking for a specific place described in her police reported abandonment record. Our Chinese guide was determined that each family would see their place. Our daughter was found at the gate of a poor, impoverished neighborhood.
We parked and I stepped out of the van with Tian in the Hip Hammock. She began to cry because I had woken her up from a nap. I just began to weep wondering if she cried the in the early morning hours the day after her birth when she was left in this place. I walked ahead hoping to get it together by the time I made it to the grassy area near the major highway. The rest of the group followed. We crossed over to where the grassy area was looked around. Steve took pictures of the whole panoramic view. It was such a busy place. She wasn’t hidden, she was left to be found.
After taking pictures of Tian, Steve, and me, we walked back to the car. I looked into faces and wondered. Who was the birthmother? Was she watching? Two young women had stood together near the shoe shop watching intently as we took pictures. Was it one of them? A woman with a four year old girl walked past me with a hollow look in her eyes – Was it her second daughter and she couldn’t pay the fines? A girl drove past, oblivious to our presence, with a wagon carrying goldfish in glass bowls sloshing water all over. Was it her? As we got to the van, I looked up into an apartment building where a young girl was hanging laundry and looking. I waved and wondered “are you the birthmother?”
It was this visit to the finding place that made the whole life story of Tian real to me. She didn’t begin at the civil affairs office on “gotcha day”. Tian’s story began on February 15 when she was born and then left to be found at a busy place. I am so thankful that God knew where she was that February day and that He knew where we were in the adoption process and then He finished the work on our Forever Family day, January 26th 2005.
Today was heart wrenching but necessary.
I've been badgering our translator fo information on the abandoned babies, the economy, the student rebellion, party politics, civil rights, etc. Finally he turned on me and asked the question that thousands of college students in the US ask every year. "When we study American literature, why do we have to read the old books like THE SCARLET LETTER? Are there no good contemporary books?"
I haven't had time to write up my conversations, but after my constant badgering the translator finally understood how important it was to find the spot Tian was found when she was a day old. This is not often done but the translator found the ads placed (more about that later) and with the scant information we had we set out on an emotional journey.
The information I give you now is my perception, beneath the polite party line, of some of the trues about the abandoned children. The first thing I ask, since we were a curiosity wherever we go, is, "What are the people saying about us?" My fear was there was a resentment about Westerners adopting from China and we would be robbing the children of their culture.
The translator laughed and said, "No. The people don't think that far away. There is a great shame in abandoning your child and most people cannot understand why people would do it. This is our shame, but the children are so beautiful the people can't stop looking. And the people are extremely happy that the exposed babies will have a good life."
I like the term "exposed" babies better than "abandoned" babies. It takes the onus off of the parental situation (which we can not begin to understand esp. when it is "a great shame") and places the negative on the situation of the baby and the fact that we have now made a pledge to keep the child safe and warm.
One of the things that has puzzled me is that there are girls everywhere you look in China. One of the myths we believed was that girls are discounted and left so the parents could still try for a boy, Our translator and his wife have a girl age eight and he told me that in rural areas it is still true that boys are preferred. But the current generation of parents love girls. The exposed babies primarily come (in this area) from the city and it is purely an economic issue. If the parents are not married, any child they produce will not have rights as a citizen and will not be able to get a job or go to school. Other economic factors also contribute even if the parents are married. Lack of work, income or housing also create desperate measures being taken. Our translator believes these actions will create a generation of regret. He says, "regret is not bad. Our parents constantly talk about the cultural revolution to us. It was a crazy time and not a good thing, but I do not believe something like that can happen again because of the lessons our parents learned and how they drilled those lessons into us."
Abortion is illegal and abandoning your child is illegal. So, the babies are exposed. Left in places early in the morning where they know they will be found. Tian's place was just like that. After the babies are found, the police place an add in the paper with the picture of the new born and attempt to find the parents. Yesterday we saw the ad for Tian. After three months they drop the search.
This is before we started out in the morning:
These are photos of Tian's location. I picture her place at the bottom of the steel tower, near the bicycle path, as close to the busy intersection as a person could get.
FROM LORRAINE:
Today was heart wrenching but necessary. Today we visited the place where Tian was found. We drove around for about 2 hours looking for a specific place described in her police reported abandonment record. Our Chinese guide was determined that each family would see their place. Our daughter was found at the gate of a poor, impoverished neighborhood.
We parked and I stepped out of the van with Tian in the Hip Hammock. She began to cry because I had woken her up from a nap. I just began to weep wondering if she cried the in the early morning hours the day after her birth when she was left in this place. I walked ahead hoping to get it together by the time I made it to the grassy area near the major highway. The rest of the group followed. We crossed over to where the grassy area was looked around. Steve took pictures of the whole panoramic view. It was such a busy place. She wasn’t hidden, she was left to be found.
After taking pictures of Tian, Steve, and me, we walked back to the car. I looked into faces and wondered. Who was the birthmother? Was she watching? Two young women had stood together near the shoe shop watching intently as we took pictures. Was it one of them? A woman with a four year old girl walked past me with a hollow look in her eyes – Was it her second daughter and she couldn’t pay the fines? A girl drove past, oblivious to our presence, with a wagon carrying goldfish in glass bowls sloshing water all over. Was it her? As we got to the van, I looked up into an apartment building where a young girl was hanging laundry and looking. I waved and wondered “are you the birthmother?”
It was this visit to the finding place that made the whole life story of Tian real to me. She didn’t begin at the civil affairs office on “gotcha day”. Tian’s story began on February 15 when she was born and then left to be found at a busy place. I am so thankful that God knew where she was that February day and that He knew where we were in the adoption process and then He finished the work on our Forever Family day, January 26th 2005.
Today was heart wrenching but necessary.
A Day in the Park--Sunday
This is a library, a great thing to see in a country that once burned all western and a majority of eastern texts during the Cultural Revolution.
A portable bicycle repair shop
Busking on a crowded street corner
We could not resist visiting the five story Walmart.
The Colonel is everywhere!
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Oh Yeah! We're also in China
[EDITOR'S NOTE: This was written on Sunday, posted on Monday ]
It’s 9:15 a.m. here and Tian is napping following her breakfast of rice cereal, rice, and rice congee (porridge). Do you see a theme there? I’ve had to mix her formula that I brought from the States, rich in vitamins, with the rice cereal to get her to “drink” it. We will be trying to stretch her interest in other foods but we are not really worried about it now. Tian slept all night, from 9:00 to 6:45 this morning, with no sounds at all except those sweet baby breathing sounds.
You may be wondering if all we are doing is sitting in the hotel room amazed at our daughter. Hardly! Let me bring you up to date on what we have done so far in China. (It’s actually almost too much – Tian and China too!)
Wednesday, January 26
Three families flew into Kunming and received our daughters within a few hours. The rest of the day was spent in our rooms trying to stay awake until 8:00 p.m. Steve and I were so exhausted and exhilarated by the whole experience we didn’t realize it ended up being 24 hours without food. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Steve without food for 24 hours, not believable.]
Thursday, January 27
We ate breakfast in the hotel at the buffet of western and eastern foods. Steve leans west and I have been eating a lot of fried rice and stir fried vegetables. We met in the morning so Xiu Lan could look at the babies and count their layers of clothes! She then walked us, always at lightning speed and shouting information as she goes, to a restaurant where she thought it was suitable for us to eat lunch. She rushed off to work on details at the police station.
In the afternoon, I went with Linda, Debbie, and Katie to a department store with the babies. We looked around, not really buying anything and then stopped at a convenience store for some more bottled water and a few cokes.
That evening we went to an amazing Korean restaurant with Xiu Lan where she treated us to a huge meal of wonderful food. “Try this! Give the babies peas! More! These greens are from snow peas – very expensive! Eat them!!” It was a great experience.
But then she announced we were going to do paperwork! I thought I was going to die! I was so tired. Xiu Lan was wonderful and Linda, who is quite experienced with this fifth time process, helped. We got through the pile of papers to fill out. I can’t even tell you how at the end of my rope I was at the end of that evening. The time change does not encourage intensely detailed work at 9:00 p.m. your second day in an Asian culture. [EDITOR'S NOTE: The husband bailed and went to sleep early.]
Friday, January 29
Friday was a big day that seemed to stretch as the babies grew hungry and tired. But we kept keeping on! It was a visit to the Minority Village or sometimes called Nationalities Village. There are many minorities that live in Yunnan province. Epcot-like, but with only a $15 entrance fee, we were able to go into a number of different villages for experiences like a tea ceremony with the Bai people and a zip-line ride with the Tibetans. The shopping was fun and included some beautiful craftsmanship.
That evening we were on our own, so the three families headed out to Rocco’s, a restaurant with some wonderful Italian food. It was great to have a break from the Asian food for one evening. Steve and I enjoyed bruschetta and lasagna.
Saturday January 30
Xiu Lan met us at 9:40 to go over more paperwork on the adoption process. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Again, the husband bailed from the paperwork. Do you see a recurring theme?] We basically just reviewed some papers to be sure the information was correct. We then boarded taxis for a wild ride into another part of the city. There is a beautiful park around Green Lake. We walked and strolled the babies. It is so much fun to just see life here. We saw a young man in white doing tai chi, some old men playing maijong, ladies with tiny Pomeranians, little children with split pants… We were looked at very carefully sometimes with a smile, sometimes not, but always with raging curiosity. A few children say “hello” and then laugh and run. The tulips are blooming in this city of eternal spring. It is really a beautiful place.
After hearing all of the stories about Walmart, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to shop in a five story “super-Walmart”. We found some great deals like tennis shoes for Steve at $10 a pair and some Chinese New Year things. We had quite a basketful and the bill came to $30. This included 2 pairs of tennis shoes, 2 shirts, rice cereal, CNY envelopes, 12 Cokes, and a few other miscellaneous things. It was really fun!
Sunday, January 31
We have just eaten breakfast and are getting ready to head out the door to visit some temples and the “Dragon Gate.”
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The photographer was momentarily distracted by a beautiful Chinese baby and left his video camera and still camera in the lobby of THE KUNMING HOTEL. Later in the day when the loss was discovered, the wife of the photographer did some quick thinking (not in the photographer's purview which in this case means the extent of the photographer's competence) and had someone call the hotel and secure the cameras. Although the cameras were safe, no pictures of Dragon's Gate or the Temple of 500 Buddhas were taken. The following is one borrowed.}
Now I’m back from that simple little trip – six hours later. We hiked up a huge hill with strollers and then left the babies at the bottom with the wife of Stephen (one of our guides). We began to hike up – up – up 715 steep, uneven, slippery, hewn out of rock stairs to the top of a very high mountain. There were shrines the whole way up, works of Taoist craftsmen, one requiring fourteen years of chipping rock into a work of art. Steve and I began one long hike up a staircase and the sign said “No striding”. HA! We were proud of ourselves that we dragged ourselves to the very top, no danger of breaking the striding rule. On the way back we were able to visit a Buddhist temple that reminded us of the first martial arts fight scene in Hero. It was a great, but exhausting day. I wish I would have worn tennis shoes!
Only today and tomorrow in Kunming and then we head to Guangzhou on Tuesday.
It’s 9:15 a.m. here and Tian is napping following her breakfast of rice cereal, rice, and rice congee (porridge). Do you see a theme there? I’ve had to mix her formula that I brought from the States, rich in vitamins, with the rice cereal to get her to “drink” it. We will be trying to stretch her interest in other foods but we are not really worried about it now. Tian slept all night, from 9:00 to 6:45 this morning, with no sounds at all except those sweet baby breathing sounds.
You may be wondering if all we are doing is sitting in the hotel room amazed at our daughter. Hardly! Let me bring you up to date on what we have done so far in China. (It’s actually almost too much – Tian and China too!)
Wednesday, January 26
Three families flew into Kunming and received our daughters within a few hours. The rest of the day was spent in our rooms trying to stay awake until 8:00 p.m. Steve and I were so exhausted and exhilarated by the whole experience we didn’t realize it ended up being 24 hours without food. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Steve without food for 24 hours, not believable.]
Thursday, January 27
We ate breakfast in the hotel at the buffet of western and eastern foods. Steve leans west and I have been eating a lot of fried rice and stir fried vegetables. We met in the morning so Xiu Lan could look at the babies and count their layers of clothes! She then walked us, always at lightning speed and shouting information as she goes, to a restaurant where she thought it was suitable for us to eat lunch. She rushed off to work on details at the police station.
In the afternoon, I went with Linda, Debbie, and Katie to a department store with the babies. We looked around, not really buying anything and then stopped at a convenience store for some more bottled water and a few cokes.
That evening we went to an amazing Korean restaurant with Xiu Lan where she treated us to a huge meal of wonderful food. “Try this! Give the babies peas! More! These greens are from snow peas – very expensive! Eat them!!” It was a great experience.
But then she announced we were going to do paperwork! I thought I was going to die! I was so tired. Xiu Lan was wonderful and Linda, who is quite experienced with this fifth time process, helped. We got through the pile of papers to fill out. I can’t even tell you how at the end of my rope I was at the end of that evening. The time change does not encourage intensely detailed work at 9:00 p.m. your second day in an Asian culture. [EDITOR'S NOTE: The husband bailed and went to sleep early.]
Friday, January 29
Friday was a big day that seemed to stretch as the babies grew hungry and tired. But we kept keeping on! It was a visit to the Minority Village or sometimes called Nationalities Village. There are many minorities that live in Yunnan province. Epcot-like, but with only a $15 entrance fee, we were able to go into a number of different villages for experiences like a tea ceremony with the Bai people and a zip-line ride with the Tibetans. The shopping was fun and included some beautiful craftsmanship.
That evening we were on our own, so the three families headed out to Rocco’s, a restaurant with some wonderful Italian food. It was great to have a break from the Asian food for one evening. Steve and I enjoyed bruschetta and lasagna.
Saturday January 30
Xiu Lan met us at 9:40 to go over more paperwork on the adoption process. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Again, the husband bailed from the paperwork. Do you see a recurring theme?] We basically just reviewed some papers to be sure the information was correct. We then boarded taxis for a wild ride into another part of the city. There is a beautiful park around Green Lake. We walked and strolled the babies. It is so much fun to just see life here. We saw a young man in white doing tai chi, some old men playing maijong, ladies with tiny Pomeranians, little children with split pants… We were looked at very carefully sometimes with a smile, sometimes not, but always with raging curiosity. A few children say “hello” and then laugh and run. The tulips are blooming in this city of eternal spring. It is really a beautiful place.
After hearing all of the stories about Walmart, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to shop in a five story “super-Walmart”. We found some great deals like tennis shoes for Steve at $10 a pair and some Chinese New Year things. We had quite a basketful and the bill came to $30. This included 2 pairs of tennis shoes, 2 shirts, rice cereal, CNY envelopes, 12 Cokes, and a few other miscellaneous things. It was really fun!
Sunday, January 31
We have just eaten breakfast and are getting ready to head out the door to visit some temples and the “Dragon Gate.”
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The photographer was momentarily distracted by a beautiful Chinese baby and left his video camera and still camera in the lobby of THE KUNMING HOTEL. Later in the day when the loss was discovered, the wife of the photographer did some quick thinking (not in the photographer's purview which in this case means the extent of the photographer's competence) and had someone call the hotel and secure the cameras. Although the cameras were safe, no pictures of Dragon's Gate or the Temple of 500 Buddhas were taken. The following is one borrowed.}
Now I’m back from that simple little trip – six hours later. We hiked up a huge hill with strollers and then left the babies at the bottom with the wife of Stephen (one of our guides). We began to hike up – up – up 715 steep, uneven, slippery, hewn out of rock stairs to the top of a very high mountain. There were shrines the whole way up, works of Taoist craftsmen, one requiring fourteen years of chipping rock into a work of art. Steve and I began one long hike up a staircase and the sign said “No striding”. HA! We were proud of ourselves that we dragged ourselves to the very top, no danger of breaking the striding rule. On the way back we were able to visit a Buddhist temple that reminded us of the first martial arts fight scene in Hero. It was a great, but exhausting day. I wish I would have worn tennis shoes!
Only today and tomorrow in Kunming and then we head to Guangzhou on Tuesday.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Photos of Dad (as if anyone cares)
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