Monday, January 31, 2005
An Emotional Day
FROM STEVE:
I've been badgering our translator fo information on the abandoned babies, the economy, the student rebellion, party politics, civil rights, etc. Finally he turned on me and asked the question that thousands of college students in the US ask every year. "When we study American literature, why do we have to read the old books like THE SCARLET LETTER? Are there no good contemporary books?"
I haven't had time to write up my conversations, but after my constant badgering the translator finally understood how important it was to find the spot Tian was found when she was a day old. This is not often done but the translator found the ads placed (more about that later) and with the scant information we had we set out on an emotional journey.
The information I give you now is my perception, beneath the polite party line, of some of the trues about the abandoned children. The first thing I ask, since we were a curiosity wherever we go, is, "What are the people saying about us?" My fear was there was a resentment about Westerners adopting from China and we would be robbing the children of their culture.
The translator laughed and said, "No. The people don't think that far away. There is a great shame in abandoning your child and most people cannot understand why people would do it. This is our shame, but the children are so beautiful the people can't stop looking. And the people are extremely happy that the exposed babies will have a good life."
I like the term "exposed" babies better than "abandoned" babies. It takes the onus off of the parental situation (which we can not begin to understand esp. when it is "a great shame") and places the negative on the situation of the baby and the fact that we have now made a pledge to keep the child safe and warm.
One of the things that has puzzled me is that there are girls everywhere you look in China. One of the myths we believed was that girls are discounted and left so the parents could still try for a boy, Our translator and his wife have a girl age eight and he told me that in rural areas it is still true that boys are preferred. But the current generation of parents love girls. The exposed babies primarily come (in this area) from the city and it is purely an economic issue. If the parents are not married, any child they produce will not have rights as a citizen and will not be able to get a job or go to school. Other economic factors also contribute even if the parents are married. Lack of work, income or housing also create desperate measures being taken. Our translator believes these actions will create a generation of regret. He says, "regret is not bad. Our parents constantly talk about the cultural revolution to us. It was a crazy time and not a good thing, but I do not believe something like that can happen again because of the lessons our parents learned and how they drilled those lessons into us."
Abortion is illegal and abandoning your child is illegal. So, the babies are exposed. Left in places early in the morning where they know they will be found. Tian's place was just like that. After the babies are found, the police place an add in the paper with the picture of the new born and attempt to find the parents. Yesterday we saw the ad for Tian. After three months they drop the search.
This is before we started out in the morning:
These are photos of Tian's location. I picture her place at the bottom of the steel tower, near the bicycle path, as close to the busy intersection as a person could get.
FROM LORRAINE:
Today was heart wrenching but necessary. Today we visited the place where Tian was found. We drove around for about 2 hours looking for a specific place described in her police reported abandonment record. Our Chinese guide was determined that each family would see their place. Our daughter was found at the gate of a poor, impoverished neighborhood.
We parked and I stepped out of the van with Tian in the Hip Hammock. She began to cry because I had woken her up from a nap. I just began to weep wondering if she cried the in the early morning hours the day after her birth when she was left in this place. I walked ahead hoping to get it together by the time I made it to the grassy area near the major highway. The rest of the group followed. We crossed over to where the grassy area was looked around. Steve took pictures of the whole panoramic view. It was such a busy place. She wasn’t hidden, she was left to be found.
After taking pictures of Tian, Steve, and me, we walked back to the car. I looked into faces and wondered. Who was the birthmother? Was she watching? Two young women had stood together near the shoe shop watching intently as we took pictures. Was it one of them? A woman with a four year old girl walked past me with a hollow look in her eyes – Was it her second daughter and she couldn’t pay the fines? A girl drove past, oblivious to our presence, with a wagon carrying goldfish in glass bowls sloshing water all over. Was it her? As we got to the van, I looked up into an apartment building where a young girl was hanging laundry and looking. I waved and wondered “are you the birthmother?”
It was this visit to the finding place that made the whole life story of Tian real to me. She didn’t begin at the civil affairs office on “gotcha day”. Tian’s story began on February 15 when she was born and then left to be found at a busy place. I am so thankful that God knew where she was that February day and that He knew where we were in the adoption process and then He finished the work on our Forever Family day, January 26th 2005.
Today was heart wrenching but necessary.
I've been badgering our translator fo information on the abandoned babies, the economy, the student rebellion, party politics, civil rights, etc. Finally he turned on me and asked the question that thousands of college students in the US ask every year. "When we study American literature, why do we have to read the old books like THE SCARLET LETTER? Are there no good contemporary books?"
I haven't had time to write up my conversations, but after my constant badgering the translator finally understood how important it was to find the spot Tian was found when she was a day old. This is not often done but the translator found the ads placed (more about that later) and with the scant information we had we set out on an emotional journey.
The information I give you now is my perception, beneath the polite party line, of some of the trues about the abandoned children. The first thing I ask, since we were a curiosity wherever we go, is, "What are the people saying about us?" My fear was there was a resentment about Westerners adopting from China and we would be robbing the children of their culture.
The translator laughed and said, "No. The people don't think that far away. There is a great shame in abandoning your child and most people cannot understand why people would do it. This is our shame, but the children are so beautiful the people can't stop looking. And the people are extremely happy that the exposed babies will have a good life."
I like the term "exposed" babies better than "abandoned" babies. It takes the onus off of the parental situation (which we can not begin to understand esp. when it is "a great shame") and places the negative on the situation of the baby and the fact that we have now made a pledge to keep the child safe and warm.
One of the things that has puzzled me is that there are girls everywhere you look in China. One of the myths we believed was that girls are discounted and left so the parents could still try for a boy, Our translator and his wife have a girl age eight and he told me that in rural areas it is still true that boys are preferred. But the current generation of parents love girls. The exposed babies primarily come (in this area) from the city and it is purely an economic issue. If the parents are not married, any child they produce will not have rights as a citizen and will not be able to get a job or go to school. Other economic factors also contribute even if the parents are married. Lack of work, income or housing also create desperate measures being taken. Our translator believes these actions will create a generation of regret. He says, "regret is not bad. Our parents constantly talk about the cultural revolution to us. It was a crazy time and not a good thing, but I do not believe something like that can happen again because of the lessons our parents learned and how they drilled those lessons into us."
Abortion is illegal and abandoning your child is illegal. So, the babies are exposed. Left in places early in the morning where they know they will be found. Tian's place was just like that. After the babies are found, the police place an add in the paper with the picture of the new born and attempt to find the parents. Yesterday we saw the ad for Tian. After three months they drop the search.
This is before we started out in the morning:
These are photos of Tian's location. I picture her place at the bottom of the steel tower, near the bicycle path, as close to the busy intersection as a person could get.
FROM LORRAINE:
Today was heart wrenching but necessary. Today we visited the place where Tian was found. We drove around for about 2 hours looking for a specific place described in her police reported abandonment record. Our Chinese guide was determined that each family would see their place. Our daughter was found at the gate of a poor, impoverished neighborhood.
We parked and I stepped out of the van with Tian in the Hip Hammock. She began to cry because I had woken her up from a nap. I just began to weep wondering if she cried the in the early morning hours the day after her birth when she was left in this place. I walked ahead hoping to get it together by the time I made it to the grassy area near the major highway. The rest of the group followed. We crossed over to where the grassy area was looked around. Steve took pictures of the whole panoramic view. It was such a busy place. She wasn’t hidden, she was left to be found.
After taking pictures of Tian, Steve, and me, we walked back to the car. I looked into faces and wondered. Who was the birthmother? Was she watching? Two young women had stood together near the shoe shop watching intently as we took pictures. Was it one of them? A woman with a four year old girl walked past me with a hollow look in her eyes – Was it her second daughter and she couldn’t pay the fines? A girl drove past, oblivious to our presence, with a wagon carrying goldfish in glass bowls sloshing water all over. Was it her? As we got to the van, I looked up into an apartment building where a young girl was hanging laundry and looking. I waved and wondered “are you the birthmother?”
It was this visit to the finding place that made the whole life story of Tian real to me. She didn’t begin at the civil affairs office on “gotcha day”. Tian’s story began on February 15 when she was born and then left to be found at a busy place. I am so thankful that God knew where she was that February day and that He knew where we were in the adoption process and then He finished the work on our Forever Family day, January 26th 2005.
Today was heart wrenching but necessary.
# posted by lorrainegriffith @ Monday, January 31, 2005 
